How to Create a Team Culture of Honest Feedback

Right now, someone on your team is probably wondering where they stand with you.

They're not asking. You're not telling.

So they're left guessing, and because we're human and we're wired for threat, they're worried they're below the bar.

That creates an unnecessary level of fear and stress in your organization.

Most leaders aren't doing as good a job as they could of letting their people know where they stand.

But when they do, feedback stops being a big, loaded event and becomes something the whole team just does, constantly, in every direction.

On those teams, people trust each other, assume good intent, and stop wasting energy on guessing and drama.

What Feedback Is For

In High Output Management, Andy Grove describes feedback as one of the highest-leverage activities available to a manager. Tell someone something once, and they can do it differently for the rest of their career.

That's an investment. You make the investment of feedback, and you get the returns of all future behavior.

But performance is only half of it. The less obvious purpose of feedback is connection. When I finally share the thing I've been withholding from you, we end up closer, not further apart.

This is what candor is. The Conscious Leadership Group describes it as the intersection of three things: honesty, openness, and self-awareness. Not just saying true things, but saying all of what's true for you.

And connection compounds. The more connected your team, the more trust there is, and the more powerful the team ultimately becomes.

So feedback does two things at once. Each person gets better at what they do and through an increase in trust, everyone moves faster together.

Four practices make it normal on your team.

1. Point It Forward

Years ago, a coach named Marshall Goldsmith wrote an article called Feedforward, Not Feedback. His point: when feedback is about what you did wrong in the past, it's hard not to get defensive, because you can't change the past.

"In this meeting, you did XYZ wrong" invites an argument. "Next time, I think you'd be even more effective if you did it this way" is almost the same feedback, and much easier to hear. Use the past as examples. Point the feedback at the future.

2. Use Training Wheels

Self-awareness is the leg of candor that trips up most leaders. You can be fully willing to give feedback and still draw a blank on what to say.

Sentence stems are training wheels for exactly this. They prompt you to go into your own mind and find what's true:

• "You would be more powerful to me if..."
• "I notice my energy rises when you..."
• "I notice my energy drops when you..."
• "I think you'd be more effective if..."

That last one is a version of feedforward in itself, because most people want to be more effective.

To keep the prompt running year-round, create a document with the name of each of your direct reports, and any time you have a thought about someone on that list, add it. Then give the feedback as quickly as you can. Sometimes it's not practical to give it right that second, and that's what the document is for.

3. Tell Them Where They Stand

Part of your job as a leader is letting each person know where they stand. Once a quarter, give them a number: "You're at an 8 out of 10, and here's why."

The number matters because people have a huge negativity bias. Hand someone improvement points with no rating, and they'll assume they botched it. If the work was a seven, say it was a seven. Otherwise they walk away believing it's much worse than it is, and that's a tragedy.

And when someone is at a six and seven is the bar, say that too, along with exactly what needs to improve and by when. That conversation is the one leaders avoid most, and it's actually kind. You're being transparent about what's true and giving the person a real chance to improve. Softening the message and letting them go later gives them no chance at all.

4. Take It to the Team

I used to do a lot more anonymous 360 surveys for clients: send out the survey, collect the data, share it back. There's a place for that. But over time I started experimenting with real-time group feedback.

One person goes on the hot seat for five minutes. Everyone around the table shares feedback using the sentence stems. The person receiving just says thank you. Then you rotate.

It primes the pump of giving direct feedback across the whole team. It's also efficient: if six people would have given you the same feedback in private, one round covers it.

Three Ways to Start This Week

1. Ask permission first. "I have some feedback for you. Is now a good time?" They almost always say yes, and the yes matters. You've honored their sovereignty. They've invited it in instead of having it come at them.
2. Match the medium to the intensity. The more emotionally intense the feedback, the closer to in-person you want to be. A small process note can go over text. Anything about how someone is showing up deserves at least video.
3. Flip the number upward. Ask each direct report: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how am I doing as your manager?" They'll rarely say 10. When they say 8, ask what's contributing to the 8 and what would get you to a 10. They've already said something positive out loud, which makes the honest answer feel safer to give.

Why the Hard Conversations Are Worth It

Giving real feedback never becomes completely comfortable. It takes courage every time.

But when telling the truth is normal on your team, nobody's left guessing where they stand.

Every conversation, even the hard ones, leaves you more connected than before. And all the energy that was going into fear, guessing, and self-protection gets released back into the work.

That's when a team stops playing defense with itself and starts playing to win together.

With love,

Dave Kashen