How to Realize the Voice Inside Your Head is Not You
Imagine this...
You're sitting at a worn formica table in a small roadside diner, the kind with checkerboard floors and vinyl booths that have seen decades of travelers.
The air smells of pancakes and coffee as morning light streams through grimy windows.
Through the glass, you notice a disheveled man shuffling toward the entrance, his movements erratic and unsteady.
The bell above the door jingles as he enters. Despite several empty tables, he makes his way to the booth directly behind yours, mumbling softly to himself as he sits down.
As you sip your coffee, his whispers grow just loud enough for you to hear:
"You're worthless."
"You don't deserve to be where you are."
"You'll never be enough no matter how hard you try."
"Nobody actually likes you for you, they only care about what you can do for them."
"You're a failure and deep down you know it."
“You’re always messing up.”
You sit there thinking... "Poor guy” and go on eating your breakfast.
Now imagine instead, you decide to listen intently to what he’s saying, tell yourself he’s talking to you, and believe he’s right. Wouldn’t that be insane?
Yet every day, many of us do exactly this with our inner voice that speaks these exact same words – and we call it "thinking."
Many of my clients tell me that they’d like to be more confident.
Consider that being confident is not about gaining something you don’t have, but rather letting go of what’s in the way of it.
When you recognize that the voice inside your head has no more authority than a stranger muttering to himself, you’ll unlock a wellspring of confidence that has been within you all along.
The Voice vs. The Listener
How do you know when you're thinking?
Consider this question carefully. You know you're thinking because you hear a voice in your head talking.
Which leads to deeper questions:
Who is the voice talking to? Is it talking to you or is it talking to itself? (just like the stranger in the diner)
And, who is the one noticing the voice?
In order to have the experience of hearing a voice talking, there must be a Talker and a Listener.
Most people spend their entire lives identifying with the Talker – taking its criticisms, judgments, and fears as absolute truth. They believe they are the voice.
But here's what changes everything: You are not your thoughts.
You are the awareness witnessing those thoughts. The consciousness that can observe the voice without being consumed by it. You are the Listener
Why the Inner Voice Feels So Real
Your inner voice isn't random – it's an accumulation of past conditioning.
Oftentimes, it comes from the voices of your parental figures when growing up, which eventually become your own inner voice.
It learned to judge, doubt, and criticize as a survival strategy. To keep you safe. To help you fit in. To avoid disappointment.
But now? It's like outdated software running in the background, keeping you from stepping fully into the leader (and person) you're meant to be.
And the worst part?
Most people never question it.
They assume every thought is true. That every judgment is reality.
Which is why so many founders – even wildly successful ones – still feel like they're not enough.
The Liberation of Non-Identification
Just as the stranger in the diner only has power if you listen to him and agree with what he's saying, your inner voice only controls you when you believe it.
When you don't automatically accept its words as truth, you retain your power. You create space to choose which thoughts serve you and which don't.
One founder I worked with described her breakthrough moment this way: "It was like I'd been carrying a 100-pound backpack my whole life, and suddenly realized I could just... put it down."
Here’s What it Looks Like in Practice:
- Notice the voice. Catch it in the act of commenting, judging, or narrating.
- Create distance. Remind yourself: "That's just a thought arising."
- Reclaim your power. Just as you wouldn't give power to a stranger's mutterings, don't automatically believe your inner critic. Choose which thoughts serve you.
- Rest as awareness. Feel the spaciousness that comes from identifying not as your thoughts, but as the consciousness witnessing them.
This practice is deceptively simple but profoundly transformative. The more you practice non-identification with your thoughts, the more you'll access your natural clarity, creativity, and confidence.
When You Know Who You Really Are
When you recognize that you are the awareness behind your thoughts – not the thoughts themselves – you tap into your wisdom that transcends your conditioned patterns.
From this place, you'll:
- Make decisions from clarity rather than fear
- Lead with authentic presence rather than reactivity
- Create from inspiration rather than desperation
The startup journey is challenging enough without carrying the additional burden of believing every critical thought that crosses your mind.
But each time you catch yourself identifying with the voice rather than witnessing it, you regain your power to choose to stop identifying with it so you can respond rather than react.
And from that awareness, true leadership emerges.
With love,
- Dave Kashen
P.S. If you found this useful, I'd love to hear about a time when you caught your inner voice in the act. What did you notice? Reply to this email and share your experience.
P.P.S. If you’re in San Francisco, there’s still 3 days for you to join us for the one-day intensive workshop. We’ll be covering the inner voice in depth and releasing you from its hold it may have over you. You can secure your spot here >>
