I Jumped Off a Cliff 4 Times. Here's What I Learned About Fear

I was standing at the edge of a 300-foot canyon in Moab a few weeks ago.

My heart was racing. Energy coursing through my stomach and throat. And I was thinking: how much can I enjoy being scared?

I know that sounds weird. But I was at this Art of Accomplishment retreat called Welcoming Fear, which included a set of adrenaline-pumping activities where you could play and explore your relationship with fear. Walking a tightrope across a 300 foot canyon, cliff jumping – the kind of stuff that gets your nervous system fired up.

And as part of the course, we set an intention before the jump – what experiment do you want to run? So mine was: how much could I take pleasure in the physical sensations of fear?

Standing there, I could really feel it. My heart's racing, palms sweaty, all this energy moving through my core, my stomach. And as I intentionally welcomed the sensations and breathed deeply into them, I couldn’t really distinguish between feeling fear and aliveness. When I stopped resisting the fear, I really felt alive.

I jumped four times that day. But the real edge I was playing with? It wasn't the cliff.

What We're Really Afraid Of

Afterward, we were talking about the experience, and this idea came up: fear lives at the edge between the known and the unknown.

Which brings us to the question, what is actually unknown that we're afraid of?

If you really look at what’s behind wanting what you want, you’ll find there’s always a feeling you’re wanting to feel that’s behind it all. Why do you want to be wildly successful? Oh, because I'll have all this money and people will respect me. Well, what will having that do for you? Well, then I'll feel worthy. I'll feel powerful. I'll feel whole. I'll feel confident.

It's always a feeling that is ultimately the thing you want.

Similarly, it's always a feeling that's at the end of that chain of what you fear. What do you fear if your startup fails? Well, then I'll let all these people down and lose their money. And what's the fear behind that? I'll feel shame. I'll feel embarrassed. I'll feel sad. I'll feel scared. I'll feel trapped.

What we actually fear is a feeling.

And since feelings are just part of you, it's really just a part of yourself that you're scared of.

The Parts of Yourself That Are Unfamiliar

So fear lives at the edge between the parts of yourself that are familiar and the parts that are unfamiliar. When you realize that, you realize that moving toward the fear is key to expanding beyond your current edges.

You're probably fine experiencing some level of joy. That's familiar. You know that one. But shame? That's so unfamiliar that it's scary.

But if you could love your shame and get to know it, it wouldn't be so scary, right? It would point you to the parts of yourself that you haven’t fully accepted yet.

Shadow work is about identifying the parts of ourselves we haven't fully integrated yet. Fear points us to those parts.

“Oh, I'm scared to be too loud.” Why? “Because I'm not loud. That's not who I am.”

No. That's just a part of yourself you're not familiar with yet. Because we all have all the parts.

So fear is actually pulling you toward expanding beyond your edges. It shows you your edges so you can expand beyond them.

Where Authenticity Stops

I heard this quote recently from Joe Hudson that's been sitting with me: “empowerment is being fully authentic regardless of the consequences.”

And I'm finding more and more when my clients really look at where they're not being fully authentic – like, connecting with their authentic wants, speaking their truth – that's typically the edge where they're stopping themselves from creating what they really want.

Your edge is where you let fear stop you from being authentic.

Think about that for a second.

Where are you not fully speaking your truth out of fear? Where are you stopping yourself from being fully authentic?

And I want to be precise here because I realized recently this has become a point of confusion for a lot of clients. A lot of times people think fear is bad. That being scared means you're below the line, in threat.

But fear is not bad. Fear is not a problem. It's the resistance to the fear that creates the issues.

You can be fully present and scared at the same time. In fact, by definition, you can't be courageous if you're not scared. And in some way, you can't even really be empowered if you're not scared. It doesn't feel all that empowering to just be authentic when it’s comfortable and easy.

When you feel most empowered is when you do it even though you're scared or do it while being scared. When you speak your truth or make that hard choice or just own what you really want and say it.

What Happened at the Cliff

Back to the cliff for a second because I had a few interesting insights here.

The first couple times I jumped, I was trying to forcefully push beyond my edge. Like, okay, I'm going to run and superman off this thing - jump with my arms stretched out and fly. And immediately, instinctually, I just grabbed the rope because my system felt it was too scary.

There's this framework called the Window of Tolerance – there's a point where you push too far beyond your window, and your system just contracts (hyperarousal)

But the fourth jump? I decided to just enjoy it as much as possible and not make it even scarier than it already was by trying to keep my arms out and not hold onto the rope. I just walked over, jumped while holding the rope. And then instinctually, I just let go. Not intentionally, not consciously.

When I allowed my nervous system to have its safety, it felt okay with letting go. But when I tried to force myself to push through, it contracted.

That's the difference between forcing and allowing in response to fear.

Finding Your Edge

So here's what I'm inviting you to experiment with:

Where are you letting fear stop you from being fully authentic?

First, welcome the fear. Notice the physical sensations in your body – the constriction in your belly or throat, the tightness in your chest. Just be with it without needing it to change. Breathe in and through the sensations.

Then ask: What feeling am I really avoiding? Is it shame? Embarrassment? Sadness? Fear itself?

That feeling is just an unfamiliar part of yourself. And the more familiar you get with it – the more you welcome it, get to know it – the less scary it becomes.

And then you can expand beyond your edge.

You can be fully authentic. You can speak your truth. You can own what you really want and say it out loud.

Not by conquering fear. Not by pushing through it.

By welcoming it. By allowing your system to have its safety. And then, like that fourth jump, you might find yourself naturally letting go.

With love,

- Dave Kashen

P.S. If you want to see the drone footage of me jumping off the cliff, stay tuned. I’ll be posting it to my Linkedin.