Stop Managing Adults. Start Developing Humans.

"I just don't understand why they can't take more ownership," a founder told me recently, his voice tight with frustration.

He'd built a successful company, raised millions of dollars, hired a great team. But now he was exhausted.

"It feels like I'm babysitting adults," he said.

I felt his frustration – and I felt a pang of recognition.

Back when I was running my first startup, I saw leadership the same way: motivate, hold accountable, push harder.

I thought my job was to drive outcomes. But I didn't realize how much of my leadership was still shaped by my own childhood patterns – avoiding conflict like I had as a kid, seeking approval from my board like they were my parents, trying to prove my worth through performance.

And I started to see: my unresolved inner world wasn't just limiting me.

It was shaping the culture of my entire company.

If I didn't grow up… neither could they.

Leadership as Helping People Grow Up

Leadership matters. Your manager has a greater impact on your health than your doctor.

Think about what that means.

As a leader, you aren't just influencing KPIs and quarterly results. You're shaping the mental and emotional health of your people – possibly for years to come.

In essence, effective leadership means helping your team grow up, not just pushing them toward a goal.

Because as your team "grows up" as human beings, the sum of the parts truly becomes greater than the whole. Each person matures – showing up as their best self, transcending their limiting patterns and collaborating in ways they never could before.

And much of what leads to this is the emergence of compassion across your culture.

Compassion arises from deep self-understanding and, by extension, understanding of others.

So as a leader, your aim isn't to control or fix.

Your aim is to create the conditions for people to understand themselves. Where there is understanding and compassion, judgment, conflict, and dysfunction can't survive.

This is highly similar to being a parent, teacher, or coach for your team.

But you can't force human development.

You can only create the conditions for it to emerge.

As Lao Tzu wrote: "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."

You can't force a flower to bloom faster, but when you provide the right soil, water, and sunlight, it flourishes naturally.

The same is true for your team. So what does it look like to cultivate the right environment for them to grow up?

The C.O.R.E. Framework for Human Development

Here's what creating those conditions looks like in practice. I call it the C.O.R.E. framework, which you may have seen me mention in a newsletter not too long ago:

Curiosity over Certainty

Most leaders are taught to reward certainty. But growth lives in curiosity.

When someone on your team makes a mistake, resist the urge to immediately correct or instruct. Instead, get genuinely curious about what happened.

Replace "Why did you do that?" with "I'm curious – what was going on for you when you made that choice?"

Model asking questions instead of having all the answers. Show your team that not knowing is often more valuable than being right.

Openness instead of Withholding

Create an environment where truth is valued above all else – where vulnerability is seen as strength, not weakness.

This means your team feels safe to bring you their deepest fears, their mistakes, even their wildest aspirations without fear of punishment or judgment.

Share your own uncertainties and struggles. When you reveal your authentic thoughts and challenges, you give your team permission to do the same.

Responsibility without Blame

Help your team members see themselves as the creators of their experiences, not victims of circumstances.

The goal is empowerment, not blame. When someone struggles, ask: "How might you have contributed to creating this situation?" and "What would you do differently next time?"

Hold them as creative, resourceful, and whole. Don't see them as broken people who need fixing. See them as capable humans who are learning and growing.

Empathy for the Human Experience

Recognize that your team members aren't just intellectual beings – they have emotions, bodies, and spirit that affect their work.

When someone is struggling, get curious about not just the facts but also what they're feeling. Ask: "How are you doing with all of this?" and actually listen to the answer.

Remember that behind every "performance issue" is often a human being dealing with fear, insecurity, or old patterns that need compassion, not correction.

The Paradox of Developmental Leadership

Here's the paradox I've discovered through coaching hundreds of founders:

When you stop trying to manage people and start helping them grow up… they stop needing to be managed.

When humans heal their limitations and step into their potential, they naturally take ownership. They lead themselves. They bring solutions instead of just problems.

Love isn't soft – it's the ultimate multiplier. When your team feels truly seen, valued, and supported in their development, they bring their whole selves to work. And whole humans create extraordinary outcomes.

I still remind myself of this daily. Leadership isn’t fixing problems or controlling outcomes. It's cultivating an environment for people to grow – starting with myself.

It's not always easy. But it's worth it.

What would change if you started seeing your team this way?

With love,

- Dave Kashen

P.S. The next Inner Game retreat is September 24th-28th. It'll be in Austin, TX with the focus on creating your next big breakthrough. Be on the lookout for an email this Wednesday for more details.