The Mental Shift That Creates Real Change
Hey Founder,
I once worked with a CEO who seemed to have it all—vision, talent, capital and a talented team.
But something wasn’t clicking.
Every conversation was a list of reasons why things weren’t working:
- “The market’s too tough.”
- “Sales cycles are too long.”
- “My team isn’t stepping up.”
- “There’s just not enough time.”
When I asked her one simple question, everything shifted:
“How are you creating this?”
That’s when she realized:
She was operating in victim consciousness—seeing herself as at the effect of circumstances, feeling powerless and stuck.
What changed her trajectory—and what can change yours—is stepping into creator consciousness.
From Victim to Creator
Most leaders operate from a state of threat, where they feel like a victim to what happens to them.
They blame external circumstances, avoid responsibility, and wait for conditions to improve.
But leaders who thrive realize something profound:
Life doesn’t happen to you.
It happens by you.
This shift—from "To Me" to "By Me"—is the foundation of waking up to and unlocking your power.
Most leaders operate in one of two states:
- Victim Consciousness:
- You feel like life is happening to you.
- You blame external circumstances for your experience and results.
- You feel frustrated, disempowered, and reactive.
- Creator Consciousness:
- You see yourself as the author of your experience.
- You take ownership of your actions, choices, and mindset—staying curious how you've created your current results.
- You feel empowered, resourceful, and intentional.
This isn’t just about taking responsibility for what’s going well—it’s about owning your role in what’s not working too.
Why does this shift matter?
Because as long as you see yourself as a victim, you give your power away.
But the moment you embrace a creator mindset, everything changes.
How to Recognize Victim Consciousness
Here are some signs you’re operating as a victim:
- Blame: “Why does this always happen to me?”
- Deflections: “It’s not my fault.”
- Excuses: “I don’t have time because of [insert reason].” or “If only my team/partner/customer would [fill in the blank].”
Victim consciousness isn’t a moral failing. It’s a lack of awareness.
And it’s something all of us slip into at times.
In fact, most people are in victim consciousness most of the time; and they are unaware of it. Like fish in water, they think “this is just how it is.”
Human beings are wired to perceive threat; it’s how our ancestors survived in a world 100x more deadlier than the one we’re currently living in.
Making the Shift to Creator Consciousness
So how do you shift?
First, you must accept yourself for being in victim consciousness. You can’t shift what you don’t accept. Remember, we’re wired to perceive threat and there’s nothing wrong with you.
Then, ask this question:
“How am I creating this?”
Whatever experience you’re wishing was different, ask yourself how you created it. This isn’t about self-blame. It’s about self-awareness.
Because when you recognize how you created your current circumstances, you realize you have the power to choose a different response, take new actions, and create new outcomes.
Here’s how this looks in practice:
- When a team member underperforms:
Instead of blaming them, you ask:
“Have I set clear expectations? Modeled the behavior I expect? Provided the right support?” - When a project stalls:
Instead of saying, “who’s fault is this?” you ask:
“What can I do to move this forward?” - When you feel overwhelmed:
Instead of blaming your to-do list, you ask:
“How am I prioritizing my time? What could I delegate or let go of? What must I believe to be feeling this way?”
The shift from victim to creator is the shift from blame to responsibility.
Taking Responsibility Without Controlling Everything
Here’s a paradox:
Taking responsibility doesn’t mean trying to control everything.
It means letting go of resistance and responding to reality as it is. As I often say to clients: “you can’t get there until you’re here.”
- In victim consciousness, you argue with reality and resist what’s happening.
- In creator consciousness, you accept reality and ask:
“What’s really happening here? What’s the opportunity here?
How can I respond in alignment with my values and goals?”
This mindset frees you from the frustration of trying to control the uncontrollable—and gives you clarity to focus on what you can influence.
Practical Steps to Shift From Victim to Creator
- Notice the Victim Voice
- Blame: “They’re the problem.”
- Complaining: “This isn’t fair.”
- Defensiveness: “It’s not my fault.”
- Pause and Ask: “How am I creating this?”
- Reflect on how your actions, inactions, or mindset might contribute to the situation.
- Take Ownership
- Identify one action you can take to move forward—whether it’s reframing your mindset, having a tough conversation, or accepting what’s outside your control.
Why This Matters for Founders
As a founder, your consciousness sets the tone for your entire team.
If you operate in victim consciousness, your team will mirror that energy—blaming, avoiding responsibility, and waiting for change.
If you operate as a creator, they’ll follow your lead—taking ownership, seeking solutions, and stepping into their full potential.
This shift transforms not only your own leadership but also your entire company’s culture and results.
Reflection for the Week
Ask yourself:
“Where in my life am I operating as a victim by blaming and giving my power away?”
And more importantly:
“How can I take responsibility for how I created this and change it for the better?
Remember, life doesn’t happen to you.
It happens by you.
When you take 100% responsibility for your experience, you unlock the freedom to create the life and business you truly want.
Make the shift. Reclaim your power. Start leading as the creator of your life and business.
(Credit and deep gratitude to the Conscious Leadership Group for first teaching me these distinctions.)
With love,
- Dave Kashen
P.S. Stay tuned for next Sunday as I share my end-of-year reflections and lessons for the new year. While these insights may seem counterintuitive at first—especially compared to this email—they actually complement it, empowering you to become an even more powerful creator of your reality.
