The Recipe That’s Keeping You Stuck – How to Step into Creator Consciousness
I recently coached a founder who felt completely stuck.
He was trying to buy out a former cofounder who’d stopped contributing years ago – but still wanted a hefty payout.
“I did all the work,” he said. “He wants more than is fair. It’s infuriating.”
We’d all been there: wrapped in resentment, spinning in our heads, rehearsing the same righteous monologue.
So I invited him into an exercise I learned from the Conscious Leadership Group that’s changed my life and the lives of many of my clients. It’s called the recipe, or “teach the class”, exercise.
And it starts with one radical question:
What If You’re a Master at Creating What You Don’t Want?
“If you had to teach a class on how to create the exact problem you're experiencing… what would the lessons be?”
Let that sink in.
Most of us are experts in the thing we claim we don’t want.
We say we want clarity, but we unknowingly teach a masterclass in confusion.
We say we want intimacy, but we’ve perfected the art of avoidance.
We say we want fairness, but we habitually defer hard conversations.
The beauty of the recipe is that it cuts through self-deception. It bypasses the ego and reveals the unconscious choreography behind our most frustrating patterns.
Back to the founder.
He paused, took a breath, and said:
“Okay… if I wanted to recreate this exact problem, I’d:
- Start a business with someone without clarifying expectations.
- Avoid tough conversations about equity when the dynamic changes and he starts doing less of the work.
- Resent him silently while doing all the work myself.
- Make up stories about how he ‘should’ understand and what’s “fair”.
- Let the pressure build until it becomes unsustainable.
- Then try to negotiate from a place of superiority and blame.”
Boom. That’s the class. That’s the curriculum.
Once he saw it, something cracked open.
He wasn’t a victim of his cofounder.
He was the author of his own experience.
And with that awareness came something even more powerful: the ability to write a new recipe.
The Patterns We Can’t See Are the Ones That Run Us
Most founders I work with unknowingly run outdated code – programs written in childhood, designed for safety, not success.
We avoid difficult truths.
We resist uncomfortable feelings.
We cling to being right.
We stay in threat, trying to control what we can’t.
But transformation begins the moment we take full responsibility for the experience we’re creating. Not self/blame – responsibility.
And this is where the recipe exercise shines. It pulls us out of victim consciousness and back into the seat of authorship.
How to Try the Recipe Exercise Yourself
- Pick a repeating issue in your life (conflict with a team member, constant overwhelm, avoidance of sales, etc.).
- Title your course. Example: “How to be consistently overwhelmed while resenting everyone who tries to help 101.”
- Write your syllabus. Use prompts like:
- What actions do I take or avoid?
- What emotions do I suppress?
- What do I have to be right about?
- What agreements do I avoid making or enforcing?
- Who do I blame?
- How do I numb myself from discomfort?
- What actions do I take or avoid?
Then read your recipe out loud.
It’s sobering. And liberating.
You Wrote the First Recipe. You Can Write a New One.
Because once you see how you’ve been unconsciously creating a pattern, you also realize: you can create what you want by doing the opposite of your recipe...
That’s where presence lives.
That’s where leadership begins.
That’s where your true power resides.
Not in pretending you have it all together.
But in courageously owning the mess.
And choosing a different path.
With love,
